Friday, July 10, 2009

DEAR DIARY: the great caffeine expedition

I have always had a love hate relationship with caffeine. I love drinking it and hate not having it... but very early on in my life I realized that our relationship was not healthy. So, at 14 years old I said goodbye to caffeine, and I enjoyed years of productivity and in retrospect very few hand dystonia problems.

I had effectively made a lifestyle change that had unknowingly helped my dystonia. I even survived living in Starbucks land.. ordering steamed milk and confusing the baristas..

I however was not prepared for the Southern family get together. The ones that include hearty food, deserts, warm weather, big smiles, and a gallon of sun brewed sweet iced tea..

*my hands are quivering thinking about it :P

In my life I have learned to ask: "Is the tea decaf?" Not because I thought it would have anything to do with my dystonia, but because I become jumpy and suffer from insomnia from one can of coca-cola. As usual I asked, but in all the excitement misheard the answer. It was not until my hand began to spasm and weaken and my right side seem to scream from the nerves themselves that I sensed something was wrong. I dropped my fork and nonchalantly switched to eating with the left.

"Jenn, are you okay. You full?"

I was sitting on my right hand, and rubbing my stomach with my left, while staring into space with glossed over eyes.

"No..." I blankly replied.

This was 30 oz of sun tea later of course.

The box confirmed what I already knew. 40mg per serving. (and being sun-brewed there is no telling how many tea bags I actually got)

I ran for the door like i had just been poisoned.


begin panic attack.

this was the most caffeine I had had since 13


my body was shaking. I tried to meditate but I couldnt calm down. The pain was shooting up the right side of my body, and my heart was racing. I felt so helpless, like I had lost control of my nerves. I wanted to scream or run...

but I settled on crying and jumping on a trampoline.

There was so much energy racing through me. With every jump my heart sped up and I continued hoping to metabolize the 'poison' out of my system. After 10 minutes of aerobic jumping, I limped off the trampoline and braced myself for a few minutes until my heartbeat slowed.

"Jenn, you ok? You need some water?"

"No.... I need a shot."

2 oz of Hennessy followed by 1mg of klonopin (24 hours later) with a total of 20 hours of sleep= me back to normal after 48 hours.

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